The Joy of Closeness and the Pain of Separation
Often in my life, I have found it hard saying goodbye. My friends growing up used to call it the Philip goodbye. I would finally leave 2 hours after initially saying it. I have learned since marrying Mary Anne that Italian and Maltese goodbyes are very similar. The problem was always that suddenly as I was leaving a great conversation would start. Just at the moment when it didn't feel like we had to talk we had everything to say and wanted to make sure we said it.
A whole new level of this has been added with Matteo. He loves to be held and often hates being put down. He struggles when we aren't close, looking at him or visible. He can play on his own and will usually last for a while before crying but it is quickly made better by our presence or being picked up. The most dramatic example of the joy of closeness and the pain of separation was birth: the wailing cry of suddenly being pulled away from his mother and literally becoming two when they were once one.
I think wherever we are we can all recognize to some degree the joy of closeness and the pain of separation.
Even struggles in relationships are not a pain of closeness, it is the increased pain of still finding distance despite closeness. I think this comparative joy and pain tell us a lot about our suffering. Obviously, it relates well to every aspect of our relationship with people, but it also helps us understand the pain and joy with God and the world.
In the world, whether culture or nature we know when we don't fit. We can often know when we are forcing our way or when something is pushing or hurting us (even if we don't know, we can often feel it). This can be an immense struggle and pain. One of the tough realities is that I have yet to see someone that can fit in nature and fit in society at the same time. In fact, there is an argument saying that no one truly fits in culture because it is consistently demanding, expecting and forcing us into realities that aren't natural to us. At this point nature and culture seem to be diametrically opposed. Christians often recognize this as a kind of exile. We are of heaven and God's good creation and yet we live in a world that we don't fit.
The second is the pain of separation from God, which ultimately leads to the other kinds of separation and to all aspects of pain (made evident through the curse of pain and relational struggle in the exile of Genesis 3). If God is the source of our life, all goodness and what is right. Our pulling away from that is living into what is and feels wrong, what is bad for us and is literally stretching out our life or sacrificing parts of it.
In children there is a necessity of physical distance and emotion and mental independence, but only to a degree. Dependence and closeness must still remain for so many reasons. The ideal is that independence will grow and as it does these children will continue in what was great in their parents and even add onto it (not in all ways but a lot). Yet the bond remains and as teens and adults we can experience the pain of those broken bonds. So it is similar in our relationship with God. Ideally he wants independence for us, but only to a degree. We still need him no matter how independent we are and more so than any other relationship. None of us have come even close to that level of faith maturity that warrants such a high degree of independence anyways. Even if we did what we would find is that we are just as dependant on God but in other waysm
For all of us we are in the midst of experiencing the great pain of separation from God. It is important to recognize so that we might be reconciled. So that we might repent and turn back to him. Because the truth is that there is so much joy to be had in closeness with him, more than we can yet understand.
In my life a relationship with God has been a bottomless well of joy that I only need to take the time and it is there. So it can be for you.
