“Severely ‘torn’ by the circumstances”

By Rev. Michael Stonhouse

Meditation – Wednesday, August 23, 2023

2 Samuel 18:19-33 (Forward, p. 25) CEV p. 335

I cannot imagine just how difficult this must be, when trouble of a rather publicly disruptive nature erupts within one’s own household. It would be hard for any parent, but all the more so for someone in high public office. Here I think of President Joe Biden with his son, Hunter, and his legal problems, and of the British Royal Family with Prince Andrew and his questionable activities.

The issues are so very public and so well-known, and as a public figure, a person in authority, you are expected to say something—and do something. And yet, they are your flesh and blood, your own family. You surely are severely torn by the circumstances.

Surely this is how King David felt about his son Absalom. Absalom had risen up in revolt and raised up an army against his father. Indeed, he had forced David to flee the capital and run for his life. And what is more, his forces were arrayed against David’s in a pitched, winner take all, battle. It was basically a battle about who would come out on top, who would reign the kingdom. You would think that David would have seen the unity and preservation of Israel as his priority. But, then, this was his son, his dearly beloved son. He was severely torn by the circumstances.

And so, when his son Absalom was found, captured and put to death, David was unrelenting in his grief, sorrow and lamentations. However, I think that it was more than just a grief over his loss. I think that it was also his grief over having let it ‘come to this.’ David had most surely failed in his duties as a parent, especially with regards to this particular son. He had failed to deal with the rape of his daughter, Tamar, and the murder of the perpetrator, Amnon. He had failed to listen to or heed the discontent of Absalom, nor his plotting against him. And, he had failed to bring Absalom home, meet with him and be reconciled with him. So, let me suggest that there were a whole bunch of factors behind his weeping and his sorrow.

But then there were the matters of state. As we learn in the next chapter, David’s protracted and very evident grief made his troops feel that their efforts to secure his throne were all wasted, that their battle and their valor had been in vain. And so, finally, David was forced to forego his own

private grief and do what the country required. Sometimes, even when severely torn by circumstances of a personal or private nature, we have to step above them and do what is needed. Many are the parents, teachers, clergy and elected officials who have been forced to do this. It is never easy, but it is exactly what the Lord would have us do.

Forward notes: “And as he went, he said, ‘O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I have died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!’”

Old King David, past his prime, challenged by his son, having to rally his troops one more time, can only think of one thing to ask when the messenger arrives: ‘Is it well with the young man, Absalom?’ And as we watch the Greek tragedy of 2 Samuel unravel, we know it is not well with the young man. He is caught by his hair in the branches of a tree and killed while hanging there. The king’s rule is safe. But his heart is ravaged.

“We have seen the lust in David’s heart. Now we hear the breaking of his heart. Up to his chambers he sorrowfully climbs, aching with longing for his son to be with him. To lose your child is an unmatched pain. It makes you wonder how God’s heart broke when his son was lost. There are moments in the Bible story and our life journeys when we must stay there, feeling the pain, wishing it weren’t so, but knowing that grief cannot be hurried.”

Moving Forward: “Where is your heart breaking? Trust that this may be a place where God can enter.”

A concluding thought or two: Yes, indeed, the loss of a son or daughter is devastating and of lasting impact and trauma, but all the more so if you as a parent could have knowingly prevented it, or worse still, contributed to the factors that led to that death. So, just think of how David felt—it was abundantly clear that he had a part in the circumstances that led to Absalom’s death, a part that can be simply attributed to neglecting to take certain measures when they were needed—such as dealing with the rape of his daughter. But then, I happen to wonder whether his own rather blatant misdemeanor with Bathsheba served to make him deal softly—actually, not at all--with Amnon. After all, his inner being might have told him, “Who are you to judge your son and deal with him harshly, after what you have done?” And, surely, is this not true: our pasts have a way of catching up to us, both in terms of consequences and in terms of our thinking.