“A costly mistake”

By Rev. Michael Stonhouse

Meditation – Friday, June 21, 2024

Matthew 18: 21-35 (Forward, p. 54) CEV p. 1006

Years ago, a fellow participant at a certain conference, someone who ’happened’ to be both from a Third World nation and from another faith tradition told a Christian friend of mine that there was one thing that was entirely unique about Christianity among all the world religions. That, she said, was its practice of forgiveness. Buddhism doesn’t have this concept as everything is seen transitory and insubstantial. Hinduism teaches karma and reincarnation, meaning that your past is never forgiven but will almost inevitably ‘come up to haunt you’ in your next life. In Islam, your eternal standing with Allah is simply an uncertain score card of pluses and minuses, good and bad deeds, where you simply don’t know the outcome until after you die. Until then, you won’t know whether Allah has forgiven you or not. And, as for your fellow sojourners on earth, forgiveness is unheard of. Retribution, revenge, and getting even, ‘an eye for an eye’, is the established cultural and religious practice.

Christianity is unique in teaching—and hopefully, practicing—forgiveness both in terms of our relationship with God and our relationship with others and ourselves. But here there can quite easily be a very costly mistake. This is illustrated very forcibly in today’s Scripture passage.

Simon Peter comes to Jesus with a very practical and logical question: “How many times must I forgive my brother or sister if one of them sins against me? Is seven times enough?” Here he is probably 8thinking that he is being overly generous, overly loving, as the rabbis taught that three times was plenty. (A parallel account suggests that Peter is talking about the sins incurred by someone in ‘just one day’, which certainly is a lot.) But then we can probably all relate to this, to someone who is, for instance, repeatedly obnoxious or insulting or nasty. Peter is obviously thinking that there should be a limit to his forgiveness, especially if the wrong is repeated over and over again. I’m afraid that most of us would be entirely ‘on the same page’ as Peter in this regard.

But here Jesus bursts his bubble—and ours. The forgiveness that we extend to other people—including ourselves—should be ‘seventy times seven’, that is, limitless. And why is that? It is because God’s forgiveness of us is limitless. But it is more than ‘just’ limitless; it is also bountiful and

incredibly generous, far beyond what anyone might ‘owe’ us or what we could ever pay.

Then, as a way of pressing this message home, Jesus tells a parable about two creditors, a parable that features a king and two servants. The first servant owes the king an impossibly large amount, while another servant owes that first servant a piddly small amount. The king freely forgives what could never, ever be paid and expects the first servant to do the same.

When that servant refused to do so, the king went back on his previous generous offer, reinstated the debt and expected it to be paid in full. Jesus concludes this section by saying, “That is how my Father in heaven will treat you, if you don’t forgive each of my followers with all your heart” (verse 35).

But this, then, raises a rather thorny question, one that is raised with me rather frequently, namely, ‘just what is forgiveness?’ This is a rather important question for there are many misconceptions about forgiveness:

-does forgiveness means saying that it’s ‘all right’ now? No, some

things are never all right, and never will be.

-does forgiveness means forgetting all about it? No, some things are

almost impossible to forget, even if they dim with time.

-does forgiveness mean that you have to ‘feel’ like it, that you have

warm or charitable feelings toward the person? No, not in the least.

You may very well be still feeling hurt or hostile.

-does forgiveness hinge on that other person admitting their wrong

or saying they’re sorry? No, forgiveness is totally up to you and

doesn’t depend on their response in the least.

-does forgiveness mean that you are now reconciled with the

relationship restored, trust restored, and everything ‘back to normal’?

No, that might occur as a by-product, but cannot be assumed.

Forgiveness merely means that we are no longer holding that person personally responsible, no longer playing judge and jury to mete out judgment and punishment for what was done, and no longer wanting to see that person ‘suffer’ or pay for his or her misdeeds. It is a decision to give it over to God and allow Him to deal with it as He sees fit. It is an act of will

not of emotion and is a wonderfully freeing decision. When we hold on to the hurt or that grievance, we are, in effect, allowing ourselves to be hurt twice, once initially and then again ever since, but when we forgive, we are set free. And this is a freedom, a forgiveness, that as God freely gives us, we should also extend to others.

Forward notes: “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times” (verse 22).

“At age 10, I had a daily paper route. On Saturdays, I knocked on customers’ doors for payment. After paying the newspaper company, the remaining collections were mine. But customers moved without paying. Worse were the customers who ignored my knocks even though I could hear their voices. Some weeks I earned just pennies.

“My last collection was Elliott’s Bakery, where the cashier always paid me. Best yet, she would hand me a dozen warm donut holes. Walking home, munching on donut holes, I’d be angry at those who hadn’t paid. Should I punish them by leaving their paper in the rain? Or keep delivering while their debt and my loss (and anger) increased?

“On my route, with each paper thrown, the carrier bag around my shoulder got lighter. It can be so with unforgiveness. When we release the anger and resentments we have been carrying, some for years, our burden gradually diminishes, even if it takes not seven but seventy-seven times to forgive. Emptying ourselves of unforgiveness creates a space within for freedom, wholeness, and joy.”

Moving Forward: “What resentments are you carrying?”