“A strange ambivalence”

By Rev. Michael Stonhouse

Meditation – Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Psalm 38 (Forward, p. 40) CEV p. 577

It is perhaps just a coincidence, but I have just read the story of the dramatic intervention of a pizza parlor employee in the case of a patron who was being held hostage by the drug-crazed, knife wielding husband, a totally threatening and dangerous situation if there ever was one.

So now I read the opening lines of today’s psalm and am more than a little dismayed: “When you are angry, Lord, please don’t punish me or even correct me. You shot me with your arrows, and you struck me with your hand. My body hurts all over because of your anger. Even my bones are in pain and my sins are so heavy that I am crushed” (verses1-3). This sounds far too much, in today’s parlance, like a cruel, abusive partner!

The psalmist freely admits that he is not without fault. He mentions his sins (in verse 3b and 18) and his foolishness (in verse 4), but to our modern minds and sensibilities, that is no excuse for what seems like abuse on the part of God! Many of our ‘modern’ abusers likewise try to justify their destructive behaviour on the basis of something that their victim has done or not done. And, even the idea of God’s sovereignty, that God can do whatever He wants, does not, at least to us, justify these actions on His part.

Of course, part of the problem lies in the varying ways that we see God, then and now. In the Hebrew Scriptures, and long thereafter—and even with many believers today—God was seen as responsible for everything that happened on earth. And that was true whether it was a human action such as murder or war, or a natural disaster such as famine or disease or earthquake or flood. They were seen as part of God’s intentional, purposeful plan. So, it was only natural that David saw his calamities as God’s intentional punishment for his sins and foolishness. In many ways, therefore, God was seen as cruel and distant, and as vengeful and exacting, but then, that was to be expected. That, basically, was how pretty well how ‘everyone’ saw their gods back then. Why else would the worshippers of the Canaanite gods feel the need to sacrifice their children to incur their good favour?

Now, to a large degree, our perception of God and of the sovereignty of God has changed, namely on account of Jesus Christ. We have seen and experienced God face to face, and now see a more loving, forgiving, caring God. We see a God who understands, who stands with us in our perils and dangers, and who forgives us freely. And so we don’t see God as orchestrating our calamities, as much as standing with us in them and using them for our benefit. Thus, the Holocaust, and all the other terrible things that have taken place over the last few years, are no longer seen as part of God’s intended plan for humankind, but rather things that He has allowed because of human free will and its destructive effects when it is exercised outside of God’s will.

Coming back to David for a moment, I think there are two things that must be said here. I cannot help but wonder whether the opening comments in this psalm were uttered in a moment of despair and desperation. I say that partly because of what David says later on in this psalm:

“I trust you, Lord God, and you will do something” (verse 15);

“You are the Lord God! Stay nearby and don’t desert me. You are the one who saves me. Please hurry and help” (verses 21-22).

From what can be seen elsewhere, both in the psalms and elsewhere, David enjoyed a loving, intimate, trusting relationship with God. Indeed (this is the second thing to remember), he is counted as a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:14 and Acts 13:22), someone particularly close to God and attuned to God.

What this says to me, therefore, is that, because of his past experience of God, his relationship with God up until that point, He is willing to trust God and depend upon Him, even when he is not exactly happy with Him and when, indeed, God seems to be taking things out on him and punishing him. This is in no way like the abusers of today, who have no ‘track record’ of loving, caring behaviour, but just a record of nastiness and violent actions. David knew, from his relationship with God, that God ‘could’ be trusted—even if there were occasional hiccups. And so it should be with God and us. This should put to rest any ambivalence that we have about trusting Him. Amen.

Forward notes: “I will confess my iniquity and be sorry for my sin” (verse 18).

“A year or two ago, my friend Patrice told me she was entering into an intentional season of lament. Now, as a seven (adventurer) on the Enneagram personality test, lament is not my go-to emotion. But that day on the call, though, I felt the urgings of the Spirit and knew that I too needed to enter into the practice.

“The next morning, I pulled a journal off the shelf and wrote ‘30 Days of Lament’ on the cover. A week later, stay-at-home orders because of the global pandemic ensued. Soon after, I tossed the journal aside—the entire world felt consumed and overwhelmed by lament. It was more than I could handle.

“But those couple of weeks of chosen lament did something in me; for one, it helped me see my own complicity, the ways I was ‘sorry for my sin.’ Yes, I mourned the wrongs done to me, but I also mourned the wrongs done by me. I don’t feel too far from the psalmist who did the same to God; after all, this is part of experiencing lament. This is part of being human.”

Moving Forward: “Is there someone to whom you need to say sorry? Write a card and apologize. Stick it in the mail. Enter into lament.”