Kaiji - The Nature and Purpose of Addiction
After watching the show Kaiji I felt like I needed to explore addiction, at least for myself. I have an addictive personality, if not a genetic disposition to it. I remember at a very early age (7 years old) smoking cigarettes and suddenly realize that I was even contemplating stealing to get them. I remember numerous points realize how much I felt like I needed something like alcohol, or videogames, or sugar. These things are not bad, but its when we feel like we need them that they become worse than they are (though sugar might go into a worse category).
In my life, I think the only reason that I was able to resist this addiction is because my parents ingrained in me a pattern of contemplation and how that lead me to God. The show also shows how friendship can be an important part of this. In terms of contemplation, I can and do look at myself often to see where some desire, feeling or thing is taking me. One example of a way he did this: I remember once coming to my father and telling him “I’m bored”, his response was “good”. He told me why boredom was good. I learned that boredom was a gift that allowed me to look around me, in me and behind me.
That being said, I do find myself being pulled back into addiction, just to the point where something pushes me to allow this thing to take up so much of my time, even when I am really getting nothing out of it. The show Kaiji did that to me. I don’t think I really liked watching it most of the time, but I felt like I needed to finish it to accomplish that, to get some resolution or something. There are a lot of things I enjoy for a time, but I will persist out of a kind of addiction long after the value has diminished. Even great things like writing or reading.
Addiction comes about for me for many reasons. It usually comes along with some kind of positive feeling: rest, accomplishment, euphoria, excitement, etc. So almost anything can be an addiction. I need to be continually conscious to not allow something to become one, except one thing that is.
I believe that the things that are really a part of us, part of our created selves, have a godly purpose. So, either addiction isn’t a part of me, or it needs to be redirected. There is one thing I only true need as much as my addiction desires. There is only one person that can be an everlasting source of joy, excitement, rest, euphoria and so much more. I believe that all of our addictions were meant to be for God. Just like all of our relationships with stuff and people were meant for God and that great relationship between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
This has proved true for me. When I centre myself on that singular relationship with Jesus Christ, I find that there is never a bottom, there is never a fall, there is a sustained peace and joy.
There can be things very close to God that often try to replace that relationship in addiction; some very good things like speaking truth, serving others, reading Scripture, teaching, bringing people to Christ. These all should be an outpouring of that central addiction to God, but they can try to replace it and that can get in the way of the good of God even in those things. This is the truth about all addiction and really centring our lives on anything else. We turn that thing into a kind of idol, even if not purposely, that cannot do the things we ask of it. A cigarette can not give us lasting peace, a marriage cannot fullfil every desire, a person cannot be our rock at all times, a show cannot give us meaning, a videogame cannot give us success and purpose and so on.
As C.S. Lewis once said, if I find a desire within myself that nothing in this world can fill, it must mean I am meant for something beyond this world. It brings me to that famous quote from Pascal, “We have a God sized hole in our hearts”. We might try to fill it with everything else in life, but nothing will. Nothing will be enough to settle our longing. Only God is enough for our every longing and desire.
